Posted by
Garnet92 on Tuesday, September 09, 2008 6:59:26 PM
If Obama is elected, applicants for the position of Press Secretary must score highest in competitive testing and agree to the following:
- Which one would kowtow the lowest (while facing Obama),
- Which one could get his nose further up Obama’s fanny,
- Who was most adept at sprinkling rose petals in Obama’s path as he walked,
- Which one would contribute the largest percentage of his/her worldly belongings to Obama,
- Which one would compose the most moving “call to Obama” to be chanted from newly constructed minarets,
- Which one would personally create the most impressive ice sculpture of Obama (cannot use a professional),
- Which one would legally assign his/her internal organs to Obama (in case he needed it/one/them/etc.),
- Which one would agree to undergo root canals and colonoscopies in Obama’s place,
- Which one will agree to bleed if Obama gets cut and take an enema if Obama is constipated,
- Which one would agree to undergo any/all unpleasant activities in Obama’s place, including spousal relations with Michelle,
- Which one would agree to eat the grits and drink the coffee if Obama ever stops at Flo’s Café again
- Will agree to accept responsibility for any flatulence (gas passed) in a social setting
- Which one would agree to be Obama’s stand-in for any interviews where no teleprompter is available
- Which one would agree to bowl in Obama’s place (applicant with the highest average gets extra credit)
- Which one would agree to guard Obama (man-to-man) when playing any pickup basketball game (Obama’s high score gets extra credit)
- Which one would agree to replace Obama in any interview with Bill O’Reilly
- Must agree to hug Nancy Pelosi in Obama’s place when greeting her in any political setting
- Must agree to taka a bullet for Obama and to taste all food when Obama is invited to dinner at the Clintons
- If God calls Obama home, applicant agrees to go in his stead
Chris - Keith - you guys sure that you want the job?